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Thursday, January 17, 2013

♥ 94th

Saya tertarik dengan apa yang dikongsikan di facebook hari ini,
Mungkin dah lama dikongsi,
Tapi saya yang terlalu sibuk buat kerja mungkin.
Jadi bila saya review semula News Feed yang dah beberapa hari saya tinggalkan,
Saya agak tertarik dengan tajuk post ini,

Married or not, you should read this.

Saya memohon kawan - kawan untuk mengambil masa beberapa minit untuk membaca kisah ini ;

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t
know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up

Untuk seketika, air mata saya bergenang membaca post ini. Sungguh, saya rasa post ini memberi pengajaran yang sangat terbaik untuk mereka yang berpasangan, lebih - lebih lagi yang sudah berumah tangga. Contohnya, macam kami berdua, 4 tahun pada pasangan senget usia yang terlalu muda untuk kami ukur tentang kukuhnya hubungan kami. Yes, saya mengaku tentang itu. 4 tahun bukan boleh kita banggakan yang kita terlalu kenal dengan pasangan kita, terlalu tahu dengan pasangan kita. Macam saya, saya masih lagi dalam proses mengenal hati budi Naz. Naz orangnya mudah berubah, dari segi emosi, dari segi bicara. Kadang - kadang, kami bertekak, berselisih pendapat begitu hebat tapi tak sampai satu jam pelukan saya / pelukan dia yang kami masing - masing cari bila tidur.

Pernah suatu ketika dulu, saya & dia umpama buntu dengan rentak hubungan kami. Yes, yang saya kenal setakat ini, Naz memang mudah bosan orangnya. Dia tak suka diserabutkan, dia tak suka dipeningkan. Elok2, dia kata dia sayang, dia akan jadi berubah bila dia da bosan dengan perangai orang itu. Yes, itu Naz. Tak perlu saya cerita apa yang jadi sebab di entry sebelum nie saya ada kongsikan masalah hubungan kami sehingga akhirnya kami menjumpai jalan yang sangat buntu yang membawa saya keluar dari rumah kelamin kami.

Ya, mungkin ada kekurangan dalam hubungan itu. Kami hilang manisnya rumah tangga. Tapi bila kami kembali semula, Naz dan saya kembali sedar. Yes, we should save our relationship / our marriage.

" Dengan siapa pun saya sebelum ini, kenapa saya tak mampu lepaskan awak, bukan sebab kebiasaan. Tapi jujur, saya memang tak nak hilang awak. Pada saya, awak adalah priority. Saya tahu batas mana hubungan saya waktu tue. Jadi kenapa saya kena kehilangan awak "

Itu yang Naz pernah cakap kenapa semenjak dia buat hal, dia tak lepaskan saya. Dan mungkin kerana sebab - sebab ini lah saya kuatkan hati untuk kembali pada dia walaupun terlalu ramai yang gelar saya bodoh sebab keep on give her chance. Berkali - kali. Saya rasa dalam ramai - ramai pasangan saya sebelum nie, Naz boleh saya gelar RAJA PELUANG dalam hidup saya. 

Jadi saya buat konklusi mudah dengan apa yang saya baca dengan apa yang saya lalui,

1. Perkahwinan itu cabaran. Untuk manusia yang bernaluri senget macam saya, saya anggap hubungan saya dengan Naz adalah hubungan perkahwinan yang sepatutnya kami jaga seeloknya dari anasir - anasir negatif. * Ada masa saya akan cerita kenapa dari anak manja saya boleh berubah menjadi seorang yang sangat2 independent & matang bila bersama Naz *.

2. Acceptance. Menerima keburukan & kebaikan pasangan seadanya dia. Saya punya kekurangan yang perlu ditopup dengan kelebihan Naz. Dan Naz pernah kata, saya punya kelebihan yang boleh tutup segala kekurangan dia. Antara Naz ingat atau tidak, 1 waktu dahulu dia pernah kata yang selepas Kak Ayu, saya perempuan kedua yang melengkapkan kehidupan dia.

3. Forgiveness. Yes, saya cuba untuk menjadi pemaaf. Setiap hari. Saya selalu juga terlepas perangai tak semenggah yang sepatutnya saya ubah. Tapi selepas itu, saya selalu terfikir kenapa aku perlu terus ditakuk lama ? Saya cuba tukar sehabis baik menjadi perempuan yang tidak ego macam dulu. Naz juga lakukan benda yang sama. Tapi mungkin macam yang saya kata kan tadi, perubahan kepada kebaikan sangat memerlukan cabaran. Mungkin kami perlu pertingkatkan lagi skill kesabaran kami. :").

4. Pendek kata, selagi dinamakan manusia, selagi itu dia lakukan kesilapan. Ya, mungkin kerana saya yang bersikap pemaaf, saya ditemukan dengan dia yang berperangai begitu. Mungkin juga ada disudut lain, Naz nampak kelebihan saya dari segi kesabaran dalam menanti, menelan apa sahaja situasi waktu dia punya saya & Kak Mas dulu. * itu juga saya akan naik di next entry *

Untuk B,
Terima kasih dengan kesungguhan B,
Terima kasih untuk semua yang B bagi,
Kalau B kata 2 tahun lagi B mengharap B menghabiskan masa kehidupan B dengan Hun,
Hun pun macam tue,
Terima kasih kerana cintakan budak kudut ini lebih dari awak cintakan diri awak sekarang,
Thanks kerana sayangkan perkahwinan kita dan awak tak terus jauh lakukan kesilapan.